{"id":583,"date":"2018-06-17T07:52:17","date_gmt":"2018-06-17T11:52:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/?p=583"},"modified":"2018-06-17T14:23:04","modified_gmt":"2018-06-17T18:23:04","slug":"if-you-are-going-to-plant-a-seed-fertilize-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/if-you-are-going-to-plant-a-seed-fertilize-it\/","title":{"rendered":"If You are Going to Plant a Seed, Fertilize it!"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"MyMindfulWayofLife.com,<\/a><\/p>\n

As we watch our children blossom into adults, we may often wonder how they have come so far from the seedlings they once were.\u00a0 I would like to offer a paraphrase of one dad\u2019s description of the vital process of parenting as a gardening of sorts: \u00a0a consistent nurturing to aid and encourage growth, an understanding of and patience with natural cycles instead of attempts to force children to grow according to our own timeframes and preconceived notions.<\/p>\n

As this father points out, we know that once a seed is planted, growth takes sunshine, fertilizer, and weeding.\u00a0 Reflecting on the early years of growth for both a plant and a child, we can clearly see that a steady stream of light and water is needed for proper development.\u00a0 You have to give kids plenty of sunshine (in the form of time) and fill their environment with good experiences, nutritious food, and love. Think for a moment about grass that has grown under a piece of wood. If there is any growth at all, it is pale, sparse, and lacking in life.\u00a0 The same is true for a child who needs sunlight in the form of space and nurturing.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>If you want strong and vibrant plants, you need to ensure that they receive what they need to develop into ones.\u00a0 This idea also applies to our kids.\u00a0 They need good foods\u2014 the best nutrition lets the body grow how it was intended.\u00a0 Health concerns for children related to diet is a hot topic, and data shows the consequences. If we give our children the kinds of food they need early, they develop a taste for them. For example, this dad remembers his own dad introducing him to boiled okra, saying it was like a Baby Ruth bar.\u00a0 It may sound silly, he says, but he did try it. Not only did his father\u2019s excitement invite him to try the unknown, but it left an imprint on how he parents: with guidance rather than force.<\/p>\n

Often, providing guidance is akin to weeding. Though it is a job that few adore in tending a garden, one has to get rid of the weeds.\u00a0 What does this mean when it comes to our children? To continue with the important focus on food, it means helping our kids weed out the junk. As this dad relates, his son was able to get great instruction in his diet as a teen. Such a blend of weeding and fertilizing transformed him, helping him to develop a healthy body and sharp mind, for which he is forever grateful. A good diet gives our children the tools to live a great life.<\/p>\n

Weeding also means keeping the focus on life.\u00a0 For example, video games that glorify killing are not good for a mind that needs to value and treasure life. This father explains that he\u2019s seen anger issues with his own children when they have spent time with those types of games. But when you help them rid those things from their lives, when you show them and let them see why, they will flourish. Too much time plopped in front of even innocuous video games or television also needs weeding out. Then, there is enough space to really experience the joy of bonding through time spent together, like a gardener and his plants mutually benefitting from his efforts.<\/p>\n

Such a desired scenario requires weeding in one\u2019s own life as well, such as weeding out any tendency to make every weekend into \u201cdad\u2019s alone time\u201d and otherwise creating the requisite space for children to\u00a0 grow to appreciate you as well as themselves. While engaged in the tough work of pulling whatever weeds sap our relationships with our children, it can help to remember, as this father affirms, he has never regretted taking time to enjoy his kids. Parents everywhere can relate to this feeling, but it can sometimes be difficult to make this time. Nonetheless, the rewards are more than worth it. After all, children crave attention. How many times have you been out in public and achieved eye contact with a baby or child? When they feel your warmth, they always smile\u2014always.<\/p>\n

Our children need a healthy, enriching environment in order to grow their minds. When you are mindful and in touch with your own feelings of love, you allow children to form healthy attachments through which they feel secure enough to explore their environment and discover things in their own way and within their own timeframe. They can try and fail and learn to try again, if we appreciate the attempts.\u00a0 An environment with opportunities and discovery shows what can be accomplished. A love-filled safe haven allows the bravery to go to that opportunity and yet have a place to which to retreat.\u00a0 And through you, your children will see good things to pursue.<\/p>\n

Likewise, the true joy for us, as parents, is when we make that contact in their world, when we see things as they see them. \u00a0The time spent is never in vain. \u00a0The moments this father remembers most were when he was able to put himself in their world, experiencing what they experienced.\u00a0 Without that time, how do children grow, bond, and gain faith that the environment is letting them grow?<\/p>\n

What comes to mind as I hear this father\u2019s words echo is a saying that I learned from a seasoned gardener when I confided in her regarding my trials and tribulations of planting.\u00a0 It seemed that no matter what I told her, she would respond, \u201cweep, creep, and leap.\u201d\u00a0 She told me to pull back all visions of a full garden and anticipate the weeping phase, when small plants use their fuel to survive and build a foundation. \u00a0As they complete this task, they transition into a growth, or creeping, phase.\u00a0 Lastly, just as one has gotten used to the way things appear, the plants would thrive, or leap, and the garden would fill.\u00a0 Further, to the dismay of the eager gardener in me, she said each process would take somewhere around a year.\u00a0 I began to hum the phrase to myself as I would water or pass by my little sagging plants. \u00a0At times I made the occasional trek across the lawn to take one of these unfortunate plants out to greener pastures, and the chants would grow stronger. \u201cWeep, Creep, and Leap! \u201c\u00a0 Eventually these plants or I, and most likely both of us, were sure to get it right.\u00a0 I later found out that often when things appear dormant or even a bit listless, the roots are growing stronger.\u00a0 Slowly, I began to trust that things were happening, even if I could not see them with my human eye.\u00a0 I began to trust in the process.<\/p>\n

I have discovered a similar process in children.\u00a0 As much as they may go through multiple phases, during which it seems they make no growth that all, things are surely taking place beneath the surface.\u00a0 In fact, science can tell us those neurons in the brain undergo growth spurts at several points in time, well into what we may in today\u2019s society call young adulthood. \u00a0\u00a0During these times, skills that we had seen our children previously acquire may lapse temporarily in order make room for new skills to be learned, and we need to exercise patience during these natural cycles.\u00a0 Thankfully, such patience pays off as the previously-acquired skills return along with the new skills whose growth we may not have even been able to see. So, a child who may seem forever stuck in the terrible twos may suddenly announce, \u201cI am so angry I am going to go to time out\u201d and promptly take herself to her seat.\u00a0 This may leave you wondering whether your little being had been sneaking out at naptime to read up on anger management books.\u00a0 At the same time, you realize you had been bracing in anticipation of\u2014yet another\u2014full contact sporting event to safely get her into that time out seat.\u00a0 Similarly, out of the blue one day, you may hear your normally argumentative teen suddenly thanking you for making dinner and asking how your day was, and you may find yourself,\u00a0 jaw dropped in shock, questioning whether aliens do exist and wondering if they have taken over the body of the child before you.\u00a0 Rest assured that your child and you are exactly where you are meant to be at any given moment.\u00a0 Remember to bring mindful attention to simply seeing the truth in each situation while weeding out judgment of, or attachment to, the ways you may believe things ought to be.\u00a0 In such moments you create the space for choice, growth, and development, not only for your child but for yourself as well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  As we watch our children blossom into adults, we may often wonder how they have come so far from the seedlings they once were.\u00a0 I would like to offer a paraphrase of one dad\u2019s description of the vital process of parenting as a gardening of sorts:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":589,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[77],"tags":[32,31,11],"class_list":["post-583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mindful-parenting","tag-conscious-parenting","tag-mindful-parenting","tag-parenting"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/fathers-day-scan.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2YyuX-9p","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=583"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/583\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":585,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/583\/revisions\/585"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/589"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymindfulwayoflife.com\/blog4\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}