Debbie Reagan, Freelance writer, Better Times Magazine,

The stresses we feel during holiday times are universal, regardless of the religious holidays or celebrations we embrace. Most of the busyness of the holidays falls on mothers, many of whom work full-time and/or shoulder a great deal of the family caretaking responsibility. I recently sat down with Dr. Urszula I. Klich, a Clinical Psychologist at Shepherd Pain Institute in Atlanta, Georgia to discuss how women, in particular, can avoid holiday burnout. Even before she became a mom herself she designed a program for busy moms. Now with a 13-year-old and a 2 year there is never a dull moment in this busy doctor’s life!

Dr. Klich shared with me that while it can be easy to get caught up in our lack of time, especially during the holidays, it is amazing how creative we can become when we set intentional focus on the important things that make the holidays meaningful.

Moms, who most often shoulder the burden of how the holidays play out, need to balance the pressure of meeting the expectations of her family, friends and religious community (and the expectations she places upon herself) during the busy holiday season.  I learned from Dr. Klich that oftentimes we have develop idealized images of what the holidays should be like based on past experiences and pictures presented by the media. She noted that shopping, cooking, family, and travel obligations, often leave us more stressed than joyous. Dwindling support resources due to both of the parents working, the increase of single parent and blended families, and our tendency for extended families to be spread out geographically multiplies the burdens we feel during the holidays.

“Moms’ cooking is best” is a saying that Dr. Klich finds women adapting as truth during the holidays.  She finds women have often adapted many unrealistic expectations as some type of truth that they absolutely must follow. She finds this can result in a tremendous amount of pressure, often involving self-talk related to what we think things “should” be like. She often sees women on automatic pilot attempting to play out these expectations to the point of their own exhaustion and aggravation.  Many who become prey to this situation secretly (or not so secretly) proclaim “I can’t wait until the holidays are over!”  Sadly, in those times the personal importance and spiritual meaning of the holidays is missed.

I asked her how we might manage all of these expectations and responsibilities early in the process before we begin feeling so overwhelmed and out-of-control. Her response was timely and insightful:

The problems around the holidays most often stem from three big issues: Time, Money and Habits. And all of them are impacted by our expectations. I suggest that we start paying attention to our self-talk and what we tell ourselves “should’ or “needs to be” done in certain ways.

Time: The common complaint of not having enough time in the day becomes more frequent around the holidays.

• Simplify, Simplify, Simplify.  Write out fewer holiday cards; instead send email greetings or create one newsletter and send to everyone.  Pick up deserts at a favorite bakery rather than pushing yourself late at night.  Sure the personal touch is nice but it loses its significance when you end up feeling too tired, stressed, and irritated to enjoy the rewards.
• Schedule time to do nothing.  Unplug your phone, delegate responsibilities.  Take a bath, read.  Don’t have the time?  You will actually become more efficient if you refresh yourself.

Money:  If there is ever a time we are aware that we need it, it is now.  As if our own dreams were not enough we are constantly bombarded by images from the media of what we need.

• Keep the financial pressures at bay by planning a budget.  Know your spending limit.  That means adjust your spending to the amount of money you can afford NOT the other way around! Don’t give into pressure to buy from a sense of obligation. Remember that you will have to pay later for the decisions you make now.
• Head to the stores armed with lists.  Avoid last-minute splurges out of desperation.
• Remember the purpose of giving and the message you want to send.  Inexpensive personal gifts are more meaningful and often more appreciated than ones with a hefty price tag.
• Telling ourselves that we “need” something often helps to convince ourselves that we cannot live without it.  Ask yourself honestly, “is this really something I need, or do I just want it”?

Habits: Remember, busyness often creates poor choices that can lead to poor habits during the holiday season.

• Food affects your physical health and mood.  Overeating is an acceptable and often encouraged tradition during the holidays. Plan ahead for how you will handle the pressure to eat too many foods that are not good for you as well as the pressure to overeat.  Consider bringing a lighter alternative food to a holiday party such as a veggie or fruit plate.  Others will likely appreciate the option too.  If you slip don’t give up completely.  Tomorrow is another day!
• Limit alcohol, and caffeine. That means chocolate as well as coffee, tea, and soda.  Both of these will affect your sleep and mood.  Consider bringing a sparkling juice or special punch to the festivities.
• Make it your daily habit to pray and meditate. Almost every spiritual discipline proclaims the value of meditation, prayer, contemplation and silence. The most obvious benefits are greater feelings of peace, calm and managing stress. Mindfulness relaxation is a type of meditation based on the concept of being “mindful,” or having increased awareness, of the present. It uses breathing methods, guided imagery, and other practices to relax the body and mind and help reduce stress. Just 15 minutes of slow, deep breathing, when accompanied by prayer, can benefit you immensely.
• As the holiday schedule becomes hectic it is easy to let a regular exercise routine slide.  Don’t allow this to happen.  Instead examine your obligations and priorities.  Keeping close to a regular routine will lessen the impact of holiday chaos and minimize post-holiday let down.

Thinking about all of these things may make you feel overwhelmed already, but relax.  Exploring your expectations early can help you prevent falling into the same old habits.  Then, you can enjoy yourself; even have a good time.  That will be more likely if you remember to manage your time and money, get exercise, proper nutrition, relax.  Above all don’t forget to take time to explore and celebrate your and your family’s personal and spiritual meaning of the holidays.

Better Times Magazine, December 2012