To meditate, or to do work, or to check the blog, or to be with the kids? THAT is the question. The possibilities floated by like fish gliding through the ocean and circling back around. They weren’t intrusive thoughts. On the contrary. I barely paid any attention to them. That was it! I was not paying any mindful attention to what I was doing or my thoughts. Continue reading
The months of May and June mark the time of year that kids are scrambling around to honor their mother and father for that one special day. Visions of elaborate breakfasts in bed may lead to trails of dripping eggs and clouds of flower in the kitchen aftermath. Painted handprints create everything from flower petals to butterfly wings, pronouncing each child’s love for mommy or daddy. So on that day we may ease up on expectations of clean kitchens and even take the time to tune in and admire the most simplistic of our children’s creations. Continue reading
I was floating in the pool when it happened. I took a breath. It’s not that I had stopped breathing, of course. Luckily for me, my body knew what to do and it was doing its job whether I was there or not. I wondered how many things like this I had missed. The faint smell of pool chemicals blended with the natural fragrance of the outdoors. The cool, though ever-so-gentle, breeze touched my skin and rustled through the palm trees. The water was warm at 90 degrees, yet my “being” intermittently felt its cool contrast to the hot sun. It was both a refreshing feeling and one that I welcomed, once I realized it was occurring. Yet where was I? I had been in the pool over 30 minutes and outside for at least an additional 30. Despite my time there, this was the first breath I felt, the one I first noticed, the first I truly experienced.
How much of our time do we spend thinking about other experiences, places, or people? How often do our minds travel to the future that we look forward to, fear, try to plan for or in some way wonder about. How often do we look behind us recalling things that have happened to us, whether long ago or simply hours before. Who has not had the experience of words someone spoke, or perhaps we wished we had said, lingering in our mind long after we would like them to stick so vividly. Alternately, when do we daydream about the way we wish our lives would be…if only this or that would occur? As a meditator I am well aware that these habits keep us from living fully present lives. As a human being, and one that can readily veer toward an analytical left brained world, I’ll admit that I still catch myself being somewhere else, occasionally. Ok, lots! During this particular moment, I am not even sure where I was, other than realizing that I was not fully there. Sure I was aware I was entering the pool and aware that I was floating in water, but my attention was somehow split. To make matters worse, my distraction must not have been too important for me not to even remember it. It was in that moment that I realized that it did not have to be this way. I could be fully present in all that is, in this moment, right now. In soaking up the experience around me, I could more fully enjoy it. I believe, that it is in these moments that the full repertoire of possibilities open up in our lives, revealing options for living with greater fullness, and with greater intent in our choices.
So now, as I sit outside writing this post, I glance up to see a couple ride by on their bicycles. I take an extra moment to observe their pink silhouettes peddling so gracefully that the image seems like a rhythmic symphony. It is then, as I retract my gaze back toward my pen and paper, that I catch the glimpse of a circular formation across the water. The ripple spreads until it disperses, followed by a cascade of other, small and large, overlapping raindrops and ripples. Each one was quickly followed by an ever-so changing symphony of droplets with variegated sounds dependent on the composition of the material they were bouncing off of.
I put my pen down and just watch and listen. After a while, I compromise my attention briefly to capture a small component of the experience on film. Knowing that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts I quickly return to experiencing rather than creating. As I stay with the experience, I learn that the rain, sun, and wind ebb and flow in a pattern uniquely reserved for nature. The size and shape of the droplets vary, as do their resonant frequency. The sun comes and goes intermittently, whether the rain pounds or trickles. This Kaleidoscopic dance is like some unrehearsed, yet powerfully native tango innately choreographed and played out by the sky. Then, as I discover a smile develop over my entire being, I take a breath, fully experiencing being right there.
I challenge you to enjoy it, with curiosity, this the being where you are, wherever you go.
It was such a beautiful time, and now you just want to pull the covers over your head, or worse yet, bite someone’s head off! How do you tell if you are just tired or having post-holiday blues? It’s normal to turn toward a more introspective place as company leaves, holiday parties die down, and visions of sugarplums are replaced by the daily commute and the realities of everyday life. Continue reading
In my line of work and professional interest, I often come across people who want to express that they are grateful, or at least not ungrateful, for what they have. The phrases come out as some variant of “I know how lucky I am.” It may be “I know it could be so much worse,” or “God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle and I know I should be thankful.” Often the thoughts are triggered by Continue reading
Debbie Reagan, Freelance writer, Better Times Magazine,
The stresses we feel during holiday times are universal, regardless of the religious holidays or celebrations we embrace. Most of the busyness of the holidays falls on mothers, many of whom work full-time and/or shoulder a great deal of the family caretaking responsibility. I recently sat down with Dr. Urszula I. Klich, a Clinical Psychologist at Shepherd Pain Institute in Atlanta, Georgia to discuss how women, in particular, can avoid holiday burnout. Even before she became a mom herself she designed a program for busy moms. Now with a 13-year-old and a 2 year there is never a dull moment in this busy doctor’s life!
Dr. Klich shared with me that while it can be easy to get caught up in our lack of time, especially during the holidays, it is amazing how creative we can become when we set intentional focus on the important things that make the holidays meaningful.
Moms, who most often shoulder the burden of how the holidays play out, need to balance the pressure of meeting the expectations of her family, friends and religious community (and the expectations she places upon herself) during the busy holiday season. I learned from Dr. Klich that oftentimes we have develop idealized images of what the holidays should be like based on past experiences and pictures presented by the media. She noted that shopping, cooking, family, and travel obligations, often leave us more stressed than joyous. Dwindling support resources due to both of the parents working, the increase of single parent and blended families, and our tendency for extended families to be spread out geographically multiplies the burdens we feel during the holidays.
“Moms’ cooking is best” is a saying that Dr. Klich finds women adapting as truth during the holidays. She finds women have often adapted many unrealistic expectations as some type of truth that they absolutely must follow. She finds this can result in a tremendous amount of pressure, often involving self-talk related to what we think things “should” be like. She often sees women on automatic pilot attempting to play out these expectations to the point of their own exhaustion and aggravation. Many who become prey to this situation secretly (or not so secretly) proclaim “I can’t wait until the holidays are over!” Sadly, in those times the personal importance and spiritual meaning of the holidays is missed.
I asked her how we might manage all of these expectations and responsibilities early in the process before we begin feeling so overwhelmed and out-of-control. Her response was timely and insightful:
The problems around the holidays most often stem from three big issues: Time, Money and Habits. And all of them are impacted by our expectations. I suggest that we start paying attention to our self-talk and what we tell ourselves “should’ or “needs to be” done in certain ways.
Time: The common complaint of not having enough time in the day becomes more frequent around the holidays.
Money: If there is ever a time we are aware that we need it, it is now. As if our own dreams were not enough we are constantly bombarded by images from the media of what we need.
Habits: Remember, busyness often creates poor choices that can lead to poor habits during the holiday season.
Thinking about all of these things may make you feel overwhelmed already, but relax. Exploring your expectations early can help you prevent falling into the same old habits. Then, you can enjoy yourself; even have a good time. That will be more likely if you remember to manage your time and money, get exercise, proper nutrition, relax. Above all don’t forget to take time to explore and celebrate your and your family’s personal and spiritual meaning of the holidays.
Better Times Magazine, December 2012
-by Debbie Reagan, A Better Times Magazine
The stresses we feel during holiday times are universal, regardless of the religious holidays or celebrations we embrace. Most of the busyness of the holidays falls on mothers, many of whom work full time and/or shoulder a great deal of the family caretaking responsibility. Continue reading
You have already used biofeedback without knowing it. Every time you step on a scale in your bathroom or doctor’s office, you receive feedback about your weight. Then you have an idea in your mind about whether or not you are on track. In response, you may increase or decrease your exercise level and food intake. This modification of your behavior and a follow-up assessment of your weight Continue reading
So, you have chosen a habit to change. You have set your intention. You have read about the science behind habit formation and have analyzed the ways in which your habits have become ingrained in your brain’s pathways. Now it is time to use this information to create a new process—a new habit loop.
Too often, when we find ourselves falling short of goals we have set, we start to question what is wrong with us. We may even label ourselves with negative names such as lazy, stupid, or just plain crazy. Continue reading