In my line of work and professional interest, I often come across people who want to express that they are grateful, or at least not ungrateful, for what they have.  The phrases come out as some variant of “I know how lucky I am.”  It may be “I know it could be so much worse,” or “God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle and I know I should be thankful.”  Often the thoughts are triggered by seeing people whom they view as being “worse off.”  Other times, the comments seem related to a fear of being perceived as coping poorly, especially if the person is in some way touting a spiritually awakened lifestyle or career path.  Surely, if one is a counselor, therapist, religious adviser, Yogi, or some other enlightened professional, one must be awakened all the time.

One of the reasons I became interested in meditation was the Eastern philosophy at its root.  The belief is that all beings suffer. Period.  “All Beings.”  Most people have had the experience somewhere along the way of believing that another person has a perfect life and seems exempt from trouble.   Yet, some way down the road, it becomes apparent that life is not all rosy for that idealized person.  Rather, we may learn of monetary woes of those who appear to have it all. Similarly, we may come to find out that the impossibly fit person on TV suffers from an eating disorder.  Evermore, it is revealed that the star athlete admired by millions of fans struggles with escalating depression and drug use.

So what is our reaction to this?  At times, it may tempting to give up entirely and adopt a completely reactive opposite view, such as the belief that everyone is miserable and life is terrible.  A more equitable approach, though, is to recognize that all beings suffer in some way, and that we can still be in appreciation despite there being suffering in our own lives, whether or not others have it worse off.  That is no easy feat.

In order to develop a balanced view and combat dissatisfaction, one might consider creating what I call a “Positive Events Log.”  To keep it simple, start with a column for days of the week.  Then, create a second column for the situation (i.e. taking a walk, dinner, driving in traffic, boss yelling, etc.).  Next, build a column for positive thoughts.  Lastly, save space for positive sensations.  It may seem confusing to include situations that appear negative such as traffic and an unpleasant boss.  However, these are the situations that warrant our extra attention as they are the ones we get stuck in – the ones that challenge us to feel gratitude.  You will find that practicing gratitude this way daily during minor challenges will pave the way for doing it during times of greater difficulty.

You may find yourself thinking that you can just change your view in your mind and not need to write anything down.  I encourage you to make the task concrete, even if you are fully capable of keeping track of it mentally, because writing or speaking the experience into a recorder or voice-to-text program engages a part of your brain that facilitates learning.  (To consider additional ways to make your habits stick, read our article “Want Your Goals to Stick: Toss Out Your Goals and Set an Intention.”)

Perhaps, in order to truly appreciate something, we must build an appreciation “muscle.”  To build anything takes time, training, and inevitable periods of failure.  It is equally important to notice when we have fallen off track.  If we don’t, we risk living a world in which our words don’t line up with our actions.