Waking this morning to the sound of birds, I had an immediate awareness that the last day of the 28- day meditation challenge had passed. It’s not like the last few days have alluded my awareness. On the contrary. In fact, this week I have found myself quite conscious of the impending end of the commitment. On one hand, this has prompted a greater appreciation for each day, each meditation, and each moment of mindfulness. On the other hand, the ticking clock allowed my mind to wander to the future to what would be “the end.”
This brings to mind a habit I have maintained since childhood. When reading a book I particularly enjoy, there seems to be a sequence that regularly unfolds. Reading the beginning, comes with a feeling of curiosity. Often, there needs to be a suspension of expectation. Just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t always judge your enjoyment of piece you are reading by the first pages. As I’ve matured I’ve read enough to have experienced a book that starts off slow, in a way that sets the stage for the rest to blossom, or a piece of writing which begins in some harsh manor that more fully allows thee story to unfold. While, on the one hand tempering impatience, my wisdom has sometimes led me to engage an ongoing evaluation of whether this book is worthwhile to read. As I continue reading, I become quite aware that there is a time in a literary piece that we don’t know what will happen next. Often, as a story emerges we experience this escalation of suspense. This is a time of great potential of the book. It’s a time during which anything is possible. Sometimes we can’t put the book down as we are driven to know what happens next. Then comes climax. There may be surprise, denial, or a feeling of letdown if it’s not the way we imagined the story. For me, when it’s a particularly good book, I notice a tendency to slow down my reading at the end. A book that I might have picked up every spare moment during the height of its development may find itself on my nightstand for increasingly longer intervals. In fact, as I get to the last pages I may only read a bit at a time, sometimes leaving it for days between peeks.
I clearly recall this habit toward a book I read years ago, Dreaming in Hindi. I had stumbled upon a prerelease copy and quickly found myself absorbed in the novel. I would bring it with me to cafes and on travels, always jotting down some inspiration Id had in these various places I enjoyed the unfolding of the narative. The book, the story, the entire process became part of my days. So why, would I put the book down for over a month once I got to the last chapter? The truth is, I couldn’t bear to part with it. I was so absorbed in the book, the story, the life of the main character, that it had become a good friend. So, in not wanting this relationship to end, I pulled away, spacing out my next visit with it that I would still have the chance to look forward to it. Ironically, I eventually brought the book with me on a trip to a meditation conference and managed to leave it on the plane. To this day, I have not read that last chapter!
Often we are imagining a story, when reading a book or living our lives. We may build ideas of what things should be like, how they should or shouldn’t evolve and whether we want the stories to end. I noticed, that as the 28th came closer, I was resisting sitting as much as I was appreciating sitting. I was putting it off, like reading that last chapter in a well- loved book. Well, morning has come, and our February meditation challenge with Sharon Salzberg has come to a close. It is bittersweet. But, as Sharon says, it’s not the end. We are embarking on the journey of our life!
I appreciate all who have taken this challenge and stumbled through it. I look forward to your comments about your own process, joys, and stumbling blocks in meditation, whether you did the meditation with us or are just embarking on the journey!