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“OUR HEARTS ARE BROKEN, OUR SPIRITS ARE STRONG”
Nancy Monson, a health coach, comments on the touching message on a sign written in chalk in a town 30 min outside of Newton, CT: a town that has become known for the deadly elementary school shooting two weeks ago today. Nancy spreads the idea of engaging in 26 acts of kindness in honor of the 26 people who lost their lives in this tragedy.
Such acts of violence often leave us feeling uncertain, anxious, and helpless overall. Yet many people are left with a strong pull to do “something.” In fact, this unresolved vague feeling is frequently the impetus behind some individual’s inclination to point fingers to external reasons for massacre such as the educational system or gun laws, or mental illness. However, these arguments do little to assuage our sense of dis-ease.
Psychologically, one powerful method of coping is to focus in on what is good and what good we can become involved in right now. Even during the crisis it is advisable to direct our attention to the helpers and heros such as police and kind strangers who offered assistance. At the same time it’s crucial to minimize immersion in repetitive images of violence in the media. Next, doing good can be a way to combat strong feelings of loss of control. Those who are in a position to provide monetary support may find it personally rewarding to do so. Alternately, finding a way to help others in need, even if not directly related to the tragedy, can help build back a feeling of empowerment. For more ideas and to read Nancy’s post visit http://creativewellness.us/blog/2012/12/peace-and-love-newtown.
Please share additional tips you may have found helpful in coping with such tragedies.
The Christmas Present
Too often the holidays are fraught with high expectations to which we respond with anxiety, sadness, irritability, or simply fatigue. In order to experience something richer consider the purpose of this time; Perhaps it is God, your loved ones, or doing good for others in need.
Next, make a conscious effort to turn down the volume on what is external to this purpose and amplify what you would like the focus to be. Spend time with yourself and tend to that which is important. Creating and practicing rituals helps us feel connected and keeps us in touch with what is truly important in our lives. Ask yourself if there is a tradition you have experienced or even heard about that you want to bring into your space or share with others. If none come to mind, consider listening to messages from nature, scripture, or others who grace your presence. Children are wonderful at reminding us of the simple pleasures we often miss in our rush. We just have to listen. Perhaps, from now on, you end the Christmas morning gift exchange by adorning each other in recycled wrapping paper and bows to remind each other of the unique present each of us brings. Maybe its reading a special scripture or spiritual story and allowing time for each individual to discuss what it means to them.
Too often we go through the motions of gift giving, cooking, or just doing too much overall. Traditions are most meaningful when we personalize them and tie them to the purpose in our lives.
Holiday Stress: Is it Part of the Package?
Feel like you’re still recovering from last years holiday season? The holidays, known for their shopping, cooking, family, and travel obligations, often leave people more stressed than joyous. People develop idealized images of what the holidays should be like based on past experiences and pictures presented by the media.
Holidays may bring up strong memories of past celebrations or people who are no longer with us. It is normal to feel some sadness and this can be intensified when it appears that everyone else is happy. Even the holiday joy, which seems to surround us with lights, music, and other seemingly happy people may make us sad.
What can we do?
• Plan a special ritual to remember times or people that were special to you. You might go to a place that reminds you of that time or person. Perhaps take a dedicated walk in the snow and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.
• Avoid getting into the trap of feeling like you are the only one feeling lonely. Then think about volunteering or doing something special for others who may not be as fortunate; nursing homes, shelters, and hospitals are good places to start.
• Try to remember the religious and spiritual significance of the holidays. The church is a good place to find social support and you may get a chance to spread it yourself.
Time and Money.
Time: The common complaint of not having enough time in the day becomes more frequent around the holidays.
• Simplify, Simplify, Simplify. Write out fewer cards; email or send newsletters. Pick up deserts at a favorite bakery rather than pushing yourself late at night. Sure the personal touch is nice but it loses its significance when you end up feeling too tired, stressed, and irritated to enjoy the rewards.
• As the holiday schedule becomes hectic it is easy to let a regular exercise routine slide. Don’t allow this to happen. Instead examine your obligations and priorities. Keeping close to a regular routine will lessen the impact of holiday chaos and minimize post-holiday let down.
• Schedule time to do nothing. Unplug your phone, delegate responsibilities. Take a bath, read. Don’t have the time? You will actually become more efficient if you refresh yourself.
Money: If there is ever a time we are we need it is now. As if our own dreams we not enough we are constantly bombarded by images from the media of what we need.
• Keep the financial pressures at bay by planning a budget. Know your spending limit. That means adjust your spending to the amount of money you can afford NOT the other way around!
• Head to the stores armed with lists. Avoid last minute splurges out of desperation.
• Remember the purpose of giving and the message you want to send. Inexpensive personal gifts are more meaningful and often more appreciated than ones with a hefty price tag.
• Telling ourselves that we “need” something often helps to convince ourselves that we can not live without it. Ask yourself is this really something I need, or do I just want it.
Remember, food affects your physical health and mood. Overeating is an acceptable and often encouraged tradition during the holidays.
• Plan ahead for how you will handle the pressure to “go on and have another.” Consider bringing a lighter alternative to a holiday party such as a veggie or fruit plate. Others will likely appreciate the option too. If you slip don’t give up completely. Tomorrow is another day!
• Limit alcohol, and caffeine…that means chocolate as well as coffee, tea, and soda. Both of these will affect your sleep and mood. Consider bringing a sparkling juice or special punch to the festivities.
Thinking about all of these things may make you feel overwhelmed already, but relax. You can enjoy yourself; even have a good time. That will be more likely if you remember to manage your time and money, get exercise, proper nutrition, and don’t forget to relax.