True Compassion Requires Empathy

When people are in a reactive state while arguing they often shift into unwholesome emotions such as blaming, criticizing, judging, attacking or finding fault in order to justify their position. Once a person falls into these negative reactions they can become frozen or stuck in one of the three corner stones of a power struggle – dominating, manipulating and/or controlling. When this happens it leads to a breakdown in communications. So how can you stay centered and nonreactive when you’re in a heated conversation? Well the process begins by becoming a Mindful Listener. read more… 

 

17 thoughts on “True Compassion Requires Empathy

  1. Taylor

    -To start off with, I thought the video was hilarious, but I feel like it may be difficult to not be nonreactive during a heated argument. Even when I get in an argument with another person, from time to time I may go into a state of mind where I do not feel like talking, nor do I want to listen to the words I am being confronted with.

    Taylor Hicks

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  2. Avion Rice

    I think that I under stand this video. If someone is not aware of themselves and is focused on everything else, his or her decision and or judgments may be corrupted therefore hindering them unable or unwilling to listen to what anyone else has to say. I can relate to being in a position in which I was not willing to here what someone else had to say, but I had to force myself to loose that kind of mind set. Not everyone is out to get me and I can be helped by others no matter how hard or frustrating things may be. I agree with the fact that listening is one of the main key components of communication. I have also been on the other side, trying to help someone. It’s hard to communicate with someone who won’t accept the help that they need. I enjoyed the video. 🙂

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  3. Vilexia Jackson

    I get the concept of the video, but the lady literally annoyed and irritated me. She was too emotional to properly see the main issue. I know it was supposed to be comical, but there are people who actually do this in an argument, which is why I feel for the poor guy. It is difficult to come to an understanding when the person is avoiding the main problem and refuses to take into consideration your standpoint.

    -Vilexia Jackson

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  4. Nelida Munguia Rascon

    I completely agree with the actual point the video is trying to prove. Sometimes people who are indeed in a “reactive state”, the tend to be very emotional and even begin attacking the person who is actually trying to help them out. I have been in situations where I would actually act just like the lady in the video (of course not with a nail in my head (: ). It is very difficult to think “straight” when in fact, your mind is overrun with lots of emotions. It’s only human nature.

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  5. Briona Forbes

    I have viewed personally when people are not exactly in their state of mind. Not being aware of how they act or what they say can lead to other problems as well which is ultimately not a good situation.

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  6. Bryan Kang

    I understand and agree with what this video is trying to convey. Some people need to listen to the criticism. Complements and soft sounding answers may sound sweet and satisfying but often times, criticism, especially one from the closest person can be crucial in many ways. In this video, this lady literally has a nail which can definitely alter her brain abilities but she says they are not related. In conclusion, some people need to be open to other beliefs that are contrary to their own.

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  7. Nikolas Holloway

    HAHAH This video is hilarious, and it completely makes sense. It’s very difficult to analyse yourself and pick out what’s wrong. When other people try and do it for us we become combative, because we’re thinking, ” what do they know about us?”. This can be a tricky topic, but you guys made a funny video out of it

    -Nikolas Holloway

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  8. Aicha Syntiche Yachare

    in todays society we have this mental block that we desires others to listen to our problems but instead of providing a solution we want them to just feel sorry for us. in the video it was obvious that if the female removed the nail she would not have any more problems. But instead of removing the obvious problem she just wanted some one to listen. she refused to believe the nail was the only problem.

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  9. David Trott

    I have to say that I feel for this guy. It’s annoying when people want to complain to me but don’t want any of my input. It’s not really fair when they just want me to listen to them but don’t want to listen to me.

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  10. Joshua Katikala

    This video was absolutely humorous yet very profound. One of the most important skills in life is to be a good listener and sadly, many people struggle with it. We just can’t wait to say what we want to say and not care to even let the other person finish. Communication is just as much nonverbal as it in verbal. I also found it fascinating that you said “reactive state.” Most people, including me, tend to “react” to what people say, and not “respond” to them. Reacting can cause a lot of problems and misunderstandings, whereas responding is thoughtful, mature, and can resolve problems.

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  11. Shreyans

    I actually would have lost my temper. I know the point cause this happens a lot in my life. I would have tried to understand but later would have pulled out the nail myself because I can’t bear to have guilt on my shoulder. If I would not do that I would feel bad about not being able to help her out.

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  12. Grayson Bianco

    I really thought this video was hilariously relatable. I have had girlfriends who I have been in similar arguments with. I give this man’s character a lot of credit because it would be very easy to become more aggressive in his approach and dominate the argument with his reasoning about the nail being the problem. The woman’s character however is valid in her emotions, but not not her approach. Yes, she is absolutely justified in the fact that if she only wants him to listen and not “fix it”, she should tell him and have the choice to leave the conversation or not. However, she should not have to elevate her volume or aggression towards him, especially since he did not elevate his and this was a calm argument prior to her saying “it’s not about the nail”. Communication is a two way street and creating tension via over- and under-reaction stops communication and turns it into aggressive monologues where both parties feel attacked.

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  13. Quynh Nguyen

    To start off, I think this video was pretty hilarious. It relates to plenty of situations in my life. I feel like whenever I’m arguing with my boyfriend, we’d argue nonstop and YES, HE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO FIX THINGS INSTEAD OF JUST LISTENING. I think the main point this video was trying to make is that, when we are in a predicament, we tend to not think properly because everything is going through our minds at once, therefore our judgment is crowded and we just don’t notice it until the very end. This happens all the time when me and my boyfriend argue. We’d yell and say hateful things to each other but in the end, we’ll be like “Hmm…Why are we doing this? Why is this happening?” By asking each other and ourselves that, we are able to clear our minds and talk it over. Thus, communication can be a double-edged sword.

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  14. Jimmy Vo

    The video was taking of one of the stereotypical scenes of couple and creating a humorous scene, one that I know too well. I found it profoundly hilarious because the scene was based on an idiom “hit the nail on the head”.

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  15. Ekaterina Selivanova

    As I watching this video, I could recall times when I acted too criticizing and blamed things that didn’t even matter to me that much on others (family and friends, especially). Right now, I often notice myself not even bothering about expressing those negative emotions and quickly moving on to fixing it or working on something entirely different. I also found it cool that the authors of this video were able to make their message humorous, yet clear and direct at the same time.

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  16. Ann Nguyen

    I think being nonreactive in a heated conversation is a difficult task because when people argue, subconsciously, they tend to want their emotions and arguments validated–not fixed. I found this video relatable because I have definitely been both of these people. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so I definitely understand the girl’s point of view. There are times when I become irrationally sensitive to certain things and talk about it to the people around me and they often minimize, attack, and/or fix my problems, which escalates my arguments even more. I see myself as the guy in this video because towards the end, he verifies his girlfriend’s feelings instead of fixing and minimizing it.

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  17. Taimur Butt

    This video talks about an extremely common situation. The girl is so emotionally invested in our problems, that when somebody offers help she completely ignores it. Instead of taking advice that could help, she reacts in a negative way which can lead people to ignore her feelings.

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